If you weren’t a criminal mastermind, what
would you most like to do?
I think there is a lot of work to be done in the field
of psychology. If I did not have my criminal plots to occupy my time, I
think I would devote my energies to putting right some of the mistakes
made by misters Freud and Jung.
What do you really think of Captain Holly Short?
I have immense respect for Captain Short and I often wish she would come
over to my side, as it were. But I know she never will. She has too many
principles. And if she ever lost those principles, perhaps I would lose my
respect for her too.
You have traveled a great deal. Where is your favorite
place in the world, and why?
My favorite place in the world is Ireland. As the fairy People say, it is
the most magical place. Its landscapes are the most inspirational in the
world. And the people are witty and genuine, though we do have a dark
side.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
I once scored a mere ninety-nine percent on a mathematics assignment. I
was mortified. I had forgotten to round up the third decimal place.
Imagine my embarrassment.
What is your favorite book?
My favorite book this week is The Lord of the Flies by William Golding. It
is a fascinating psychological study of a group of boys stranded on an
island. I can’t help thinking that if I had been on that island, I would
be running the place in a week.
What is your favorite song?
I rarely listen to popular music, with the exception of David Bowie, who
is quite a chameleon. One never knows quite what to expect. I think Bowie
is a fascinating individual and I am thinking of approaching him with a
scheme of mine for rediscovering a lost Mozart opera, which, of course, I
have written. My favorite song of Mister Bowie’s is “It’s No Game, Part
2,” from the Scary Monsters CD.
What keeps you awake at night?
My plans. They run around my head at night, keeping me awake. There is one
more thing that keeps me awake. Sometimes I feel bad about the things I
have done. If this feeling of guilt strikes, I do a quick online check of
my bank balance, and it soon goes away.
What is your most treasured possession?
My most treasured possession is a cache of LEP equipment that Butler
confiscated from a fairy Retrieval team. There are a thousand inventions
in there that have never been seen by humans. These will be my retirement
fund.
Who is your best friend?
I believe that we agreed that this question would not be asked. If my
enemies discovered who my best friend is, they could get to me through him
or her. Let me just say that my best friend is never far away and has been
with me since the day of my birth.
From
The Artemis
Fowl Files by Eoin Colfer