Artemis Fowl jun.

kriminelles Superhirn

Typus: Human

Age: 12

Location: Fowl Manor

Figure: trim 

Eyes: darkblue

Skin: pale, delicate

Hair: black

Interests: GOLD, money, brass, loot...

How does one describe Artemis?

Various psychiatrists have tried and failed. The main problem is Artemis’s own intelligence. He bamboozles every test thrown at him. He has puzzled the greatest medical minds, and sent many of them gibbering to their own hospitals.

Artemis Fowl could be described in a number of different ways. "Genius" is just one word that fits him to a T; when it comes to computers, for instance, the author uses one of Artemis' physical characteristics to point out his enormous and delicate skill: "Long hours indoors in front of a computer screen had bleached the glow from his skin. He was as white as a vampire and almost as testy in the light of day."

"Criminal mastermind" is another accurate descriptive for Artemis; his scruples are right up there with Professor Moriarty's from Sherlock Holmes. He also shares Moriarty's expensive tastes, arrogance and sangfroid. In terms of plotting and strategy, he would give Generals Patton and Eisenhower a run for their money. All this at 12 years old!

Yes, another word to describe Artemis would be "adolescent," but he's no Harry Potter, despite how special he is (and despite his flirtations with magic). Whereas young Harry is a "normal" boy in thoughts and feelings, thrust into an extraordinary situation, Artemis is extraordinary to begin with, and seeks out extraordinary situations as if they were normal.

Another term that can be applied to Artemis is one he wouldn't like so much, and that term is "millionaire." The thing is, it used to be "billionaire," but the Fowl family fortune hasn't been doing quite so well of late. Artemis, however, intends to rectify that situation, and his bold plot to do so is the subject of this fresh new novel by Eoin Colfer.

 

Interview with Artemis Fowl

If you weren’t a criminal mastermind, what would you most like to do?

I think there is a lot of work to be done in the field of psychology. If I did not have my criminal plots to occupy my time, I think I would devote my energies to putting right some of the mistakes made by misters Freud and Jung.

What do you really think of Captain Holly Short?

I have immense respect for Captain Short and I often wish she would come over to my side, as it were. But I know she never will. She has too many principles. And if she ever lost those principles, perhaps I would lose my respect for her too.

You have traveled a great deal. Where is your favorite place in the world, and why?

My favorite place in the world is Ireland. As the fairy People say, it is the most magical place. Its landscapes are the most inspirational in the world. And the people are witty and genuine, though we do have a dark side.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

I once scored a mere ninety-nine percent on a mathematics assignment. I was mortified. I had forgotten to round up the third decimal place. Imagine my embarrassment.

What is your favorite book?

My favorite book this week is The Lord of the Flies by William Golding. It is a fascinating psychological study of a group of boys stranded on an island. I can’t help thinking that if I had been on that island, I would be running the place in a week.

What is your favorite song?

I rarely listen to popular music, with the exception of David Bowie, who is quite a chameleon. One never knows quite what to expect. I think Bowie is a fascinating individual and I am thinking of approaching him with a scheme of mine for rediscovering a lost Mozart opera, which, of course, I have written. My favorite song of Mister Bowie’s is “It’s No Game, Part 2,” from the Scary Monsters CD.

What keeps you awake at night?

My plans. They run around my head at night, keeping me awake. There is one more thing that keeps me awake. Sometimes I feel bad about the things I have done. If this feeling of guilt strikes, I do a quick online check of my bank balance, and it soon goes away.

What is your most treasured possession?

My most treasured possession is a cache of LEP equipment that Butler confiscated from a fairy Retrieval team. There are a thousand inventions in there that have never been seen by humans. These will be my retirement fund.

Who is your best friend?

I believe that we agreed that this question would not be asked. If my enemies discovered who my best friend is, they could get to me through him or her. Let me just say that my best friend is never far away and has been with me since the day of my birth.

 


From The Artemis Fowl Files by Eoin Colfer